I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
