I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
