if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
