just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
