You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
this just has baby written all over it
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
