How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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