peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
