you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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