the condom got lost in my hair
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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