If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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