It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just had sex on a roof
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
