You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
