gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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