i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
