Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
