I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
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