my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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