I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
