You don't have asthma, your pregnant
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
