my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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