she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
