Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
