Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
