you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
