You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
