you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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