Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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