I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
