You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
