STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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