Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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