I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize