Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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