big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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