it was like his penis was on wheels.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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