Have you finally orgasmed yet?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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