tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
