I just saw a hot homeless man
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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