You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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