im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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