these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
