4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
