this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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