highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
