it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
