GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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