My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
