idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize