on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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