why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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