you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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