Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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