I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
