I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
false alarm, still single
Randomize
