hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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