Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
