My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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