Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Let's paint friendship bongs
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
