Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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