the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
