Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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