guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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