plz talk dirty to me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
