Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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