she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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