At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
