my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There r osticjed everywhere
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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