Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
