i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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