Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Houston, we have a blender
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
