"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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