yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
