I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
