The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
