I skipped work to stalk him.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I wish you could order shots online.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize