she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
