I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
