I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
