She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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