Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
