When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
