we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
