my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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