You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
