Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
