i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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