I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I didn't notice because vodka
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
