It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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