I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
