I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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