I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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