Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
