You were right. It hurts to walk today.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
