Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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