Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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