I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize