You're completely useless in the revolution.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
