The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
