She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
